This is a draft version of a chapter from John Saye’s book, The Man With Three First Names.

Michael leaped for the gong. It was sitting behind a stack of craft brown delivery parcel boxes and disused bubble wrap, centered over the mantle to an exquisite fireplace that Michael couldn’t remember having before. He knocked the boxes away, scattering them to the floor, and then started stepping through the bubble wrap. It made popping sounds under his feet as he looked around for the small striking hammer he used for this sort of thing.

Simon walked up beside Michael as he was searching.

The gong sounded again, its long tone wavering in the air.

“Where is it?”

“What, this?” Simon held up the small striking hammer.

“I’m looking for the striker. Kind of like a hammer.” Michael didn’t lookup. He was trying to get the poker dislodged from the fireplace tools. He pulled it free. About a hundred feet of the spiderweb, more like cobwebs, clung to it. It looked like he was holding up some kind of crazed voodoo doll or something, not that he didn’t have plenty of those around, usually versions of himself he’d taken from one person or another.

“Is this it?” Simon was starting to lose it just a little.

“What? No!”

Not a second after Simon gave up and dropped it on the mantle did Michael proclaim “There it is!” He grabbed it and struck the gong, which seemed to reverberate out something close to the sound of Elvis singing You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. After just a moment, the tarnished brass of the gong lit up and in its circular window sat a television image of the President of the United States.

Simon raised an eyebrow. “Ever heard of a webcam?”

President coughed and cleared his throat. “Nice to see you again Mr. Christopher. What’s the occasion?”

“Oh I can imagine you already know since you called me sir,” said Michael.

“Yes, that’s right. Are you already on it then?”

“Yes sir, It’s definitely the Sublight group sir.”

“Ah, them again is it?”

“Again?”

“Yes, well, while you were off-planet we had a little spot of trouble with them. Couldn’t nail anything down per se, but you know how it goes.”

“I thought I did.”

“Who is that with you?”

Simon stood up. “I’m Simon Dunbar sir.”

“He was a janitor at the Sublight group, got caught in the middle of their latest experiment.”

The President nodded his head like he had a brain of his own.

“What’s he mean off-planet then?” asked Simon.

“Later,” said Michael.

“What’s it look like at the Sublight group’s location?”

“Like a bomb’s hit it, sir,” said Michael. “It’s a total loss, as best I can tell. The only problem is that the generator is still running. There’s a portal there that are doing some pulsing, trying to take half the place with it every time it does so. I don’t know what we can do to stop it yet, but I know there must be away.”

“Yes, you do don’t you, well that’s easy enough. I want you to get right on it then. I’m already sending in some help for you, so don’t worry about that, you’ll have plenty of backup at your command.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Have you recruited Mr. Dunbar there yet?”

“Yes, sir. I’m fairly certain that he’s a major key to solving this one, so I plan to have him with me more often than not.”

“Good. If he works out, bring him to Washington, and we’ll give him proper introductions all around. I’ve got to get back to acting like I don’t have a brain again. Blast… I think someone has realized I’m in the china room. Don’t worry, I’ll tell them I was sleepwalking again, trying to make myself a cup of coffee with a Pringles can and a roll of duct tape if I have to. We’ve really got to get a better way to contact each other Michael.”

“Agreed sir. The gongs are antiques, but they’ve served their purpose. Maybe they would like to have the other one in Nevada Sir?”

“That’s possible, Now give me your report.”

“Well, best I can tell the Sublight Group has been opening one-way portals to other dimensions for the express purpose of observation. They’ve noted all kinds of planets, and various cultures and different kinds of life. They hadn’t come across any other intelligent life though until just recently. Must have been by a pure fluke since it’s damn near everywhere. Point is, when they did find it, what came across was a culture of horrific creatures who were doing the same or a similar experiment of their own.”

The President listened to this with a stern look.

Michael went on. “I suspect something on the other side is still fueling the portal to stay open. They can only get through it during a pulse, but when they do, they move pretty quick.”

“What about the people?”

“I wouldn’t rule out aliens sir, anyone who’s traveled off-planet would be able to pick up on it.”

“Well, we’ve got a fair number of aliens living in the world, some of them in your area too.”

“I know some of them, sir.”

“I’ll send you a list of them if you like.”

“Thank you, sir. That would help.”

The President turned to someone out of the field of vision and whispered something in her ear. In just a moment she was off. “You should have it in just a few moments.”

“Email?” said Michael. He pulled his phone from his pocket.

“Nope, that’s not secure, I’m sending you a hard copy.”

Michael knew better than to ask him why or even how. He just nodded like he knew what the President was talking about.

Michael coughed, “What about military involvement sir?”

“Do you think that’s a possibility?”

“It could be, some of these things are pretty dangerous.”

“I don’t know about that. We can’t risk the possibility of starting an interplanetary incident, that kind of movement in this situation might be misinterpreted during an off pulse. Besides, what if one of them gets tossed like a toy? No, I think we’ll stick to unofficial means this time.”

“All right sir, you know that’s the way I like it.”

“We’re going to send a saucer for you, as soon as your hard copy arrives, I want you to make for the coordinates at the top.”

“Okay, I’ll be ready for that.”

There were a smash and the tinkling of glass behind them.

“That’ll be your hard copy. Gentlemen.” The President nodded to them.

“Yes, sir.”

Michael hit the gong again, and the image of the President faded from its surface.

The last thing they heard him say was “No Dear, I thought this was where you were hiding the spoons and the marshmallows, really…” Then he was gone.

At the back of the office, there was a series of windows way high up on the wall. Sitting plump and happy in front of a recently broken pane was a large, fat, dumpy raven. It looked bloated but very happy and pleased with itself. As Michael approached it, he could see that the raven had been fitted with an electric eye in its left socket that protruded like a scope for seeing long distances. It blinked at him and shook its leg. On its leg was a small tube, in which was a long scroll of paper.

“The most important thing, the coordinates.”

He knew them already. That old burger joint. He’d been there often. The President didn’t think so, but Michael had always thought the place itself might be a flying saucer.

Michael held out his hand. The raven stepped upon it. He took the bird over to a stand, which Simon thought could not have been there five minutes ago, and he set the bird down.

“Thanks, friend.”

He dropped a handful of crackers and peanuts into the bowl and poured off a measure of water into the dish.

“Jack Daniels!” said the bird.

Michael did a double-take.

“Jack Daniels!” it said again.

Michael looked around, and pulled a small bottle of Jack Daniels from the shelf, and replaced the water with it, dumping the water out on the floor.

As soon as Michael was pouring, the bird began to drink, gulping it down. As it drank, it began to munch on the peanuts and crackers, spreading them around on the floor more than getting them in its beak, and had a good time doing it too.

“Let’s go,” said Michael, and they left, going down the stairs to Michael’s car, and driving off into the night. Before they got around the corner, they heard the bird again.

“Jack Daniels!”

Michael smiled. His life, he wouldn’t trade it for an office job and a sack of bavarian cream-filled potatoes. Strange as it was, it was perfect.

They went out of Michael’s office and climbed an old rusty ladder that led up to the roof. Michael and Simon sat down on the pebbled roof, and looked up.

“No time like the present to catch a saucer out of here,” said Michael.

“How?”

A moment later, they were all bathed in the soft glow of an enormous spotlight from a floating vessel a hundred feet above them.

“Here they come?”

Simon looked up into the light, and before he could blink, he was aboard, the little warehouse left behind.

Michael and Simon sat upon beds made up with tight sheets and bedding and swung their feet out and onto the ground. The interior of the little saucer was of chrome, black and white. Sitting in two of the five crew chairs were Lenny and Harry, two aliens with an attitude for fun, a disdain for danger, and a great fear of tools. They were kicked back, one at the wheel, and one operating the teleport machine. They were carrying drinks in tiki mugs, wearing Hawaiian shirts, and they had some surf rock playing on the stereo.

Lenny bounced up to Michael, they had no legs, and reached up a lengthy double elbowed arm in greeting. “Mike, how ya doing!?”

Michael shook the arm and marveled at how weird it always felt to shake a limb with that many joints in it.

Harry waved from his station and bounced over to greet Simon. “You want a drink?” He held out a plastic coconut to Simon with a strange purple liquid in it.

Simon took the drink, not really understanding which of the three straws he was supposed to use, and before he could take a sip, which seemed impossible as the straws seemed to be full of holes, Michael waved him off with a warning look.

“What?”

“You can’t take their drinks. Hell, I can barely take them.”

“Dangerous?”

“You might wake up in a week if you don’t transform on me while we’re in here.”

“Ah.”

Simon found a series of flower pots near the window where they seemed to be growing grass. Were they eating it?

He poured the drink into one of the pots, and the grass seemed to dissolve on contact, turning black before it turned orange, then finally withering away into a pile of mush.

Simon put down the drink.

“Told ya.”

They stood there, looking out the window watching the outer disc of the craft circle below them, and looked out at the world.

“Can anyone see us?” Simon asked.

“Can anyone see us?” said Lenny, Harry, and Michael together. They all laughed at Simon together. Soon he was laughing with them.

“Of course not,” said Lenny as he bounced up.  “We’d never be able to get all over the world if people could see us all the time.”

They pulled up through a haze of clouds and suddenly the sky was full of flying saucers. They lined up like they were on a small skyway. Not thousands or hundreds of them, but enough to call it regular traffic. 

A large one passed overhead, shaped like a large egg. Another that went by looked like a frightened puppy that had to go potty. Simon raised his hand as if to wait for a teacher to call on him.

“How are we doing this?” asked Michael.

Lenny bounced over, fresh drinks in his hands. “Let’s get over there and scan that site then shall we?”

Michael took his drink and gave Lenny a nod. “Let’s go.”

They zoomed over the land, leaving everything behind them.

“So, what’s the plan, Lenny?”

Michael sat down next to Lenny and Harry in the sunken squashy couch that served as their main bridge. There they sat, leaning back in little nooks of the couch, with laptops plugged into the floor of the circular area. Simon stepped over the back of the couch, and down into it. Michael took a sip of his drink, and Simon looked around. He could see there were several displays and readouts that he couldn’t see before. He sat down and watched the ground below them on one.

Lenny looked up, after taking a sip of his drink. “Where were we going to now?”

“Just to the west of Atlanta, you can do a scan for dimensional portals and it should come right up.”

“Atlanta?”

“We missed Atlanta like five minutes ago, Harry?”

“Turning her around. Don’t worry, I already have a lock on the portal.”

The ship made a lurch in the sky and changed direction without skipping a beat, swerving up and over and flying upside down for a moment. No one fell out of their seats.

Simon opened his eyes and looked around, watching the world around him spin and shift. It was like watching it on a big wrap around television screen. There was no sensation to go along with it. He wondered for a moment, not believing what was happening to him, or where he was. Less than a few hours ago, he was a great ravening troll leaping through the suburbs and wreaking havoc. He looked down at his arm. It was shaking a little, and he caught Harry’s eye noticing him looking at it. He grabbed onto it with his other hand and held it down. In a couple of moments, it subsided and he was able to shake it off.

Michael looked up at him. “You all right there?”

“I don’t know. What if I transform again?”

“I don’t know either, but don’t worry, I think we’re getting there. With any luck, we’ll get that portal closed. Harry, do you have a proper scan now?”

“We’re coming up on it Mike. We should have a good scan pronto.”

Michael leaned back and watched the world slide by.

“We’re coming up on it here.” Lenny hit the breaks and pulled in to park over the crater that was the Sublight Group.

“Scanning now. Here it comes.”

A holographic display of the remains of the lab below appeared before them in the middle of the squashy conversation pit.

“Now look at that,” said Michael.

He pointed out the portal. “It looks like a circle. Kind of flat, but it’s warped like a potato chip or something.”

Simon nodded. “Yes, most of them seemed to have a similar look. Sometimes they were more warped than other times, you just never knew what it was going to look like. Can we see through it from here?”

“Sure,” said Lenny. “I think we can get the scanner to show us that angle.”

Lenny refocused the lens. A small ocular device popped up from his dash and he looked through it with one eye, then focused and maneuvered a holographic vision before them with his controls. They watched as he maneuvered it down to the level of the portal, and looked through it.

They watched as the camera got right up to the edge and looked through. Beyond the portal were a menagerie of creatures. Some of them floated through the air on huge mammoth wings, others stomped the ground, and held their distance from the portal.

“What are those?” Simon pointed to the bottom of the hologram where several small creatures were walking through. “What the hell?”

They were small, humanoid, and covered in blueish-purple skin and small horns.

“Nice,” said Simon.

“They have no feet,” said Michael. “Odd.”

As they watched the little creatures in the shadows they could see they were running around on six arms. Two did the walking, while two-handled things and climbed around, and the other two in the middle seemed to be able to do anything they liked. One of them was scratching himself. Then the creatures started to roll like a ball and hurtle themselves forward with a great thrust that made no sense. They battered towards the portal, bouncing off, but making it bend and twist in different ways. Michael could see the machinery behind them operating their side of the portal, keeping it going between pulses.

It was alive.

The creature, itself projecting the portal and keeping it there was colossal, must have been the size of an aircraft carrier. Through its nose streamed a string of electrical light and madness that kept their side of the portal open. It seemed to be swelling up. It was inhaling a great deal of air. When it exhaled, it sent into the portal a gigantic push of energy that caused the portal to expand, destroying equipment. Then the veil ruptured and fifty of the six-armed rolling guys flew through the portal in one go. They filled the remaining room down in the old laboratory, they stood up on two legs, each pulling four daggers from their belts. They used them as spikes on the walls to start their climb out.

In the corner, Simon was doubled over.

“Michael is he…” said Lenny.

“Yep. He’s transforming. I think he was jarred by the last portal hit.”

“Great,” said Harry. “We gotta get him outta here.”

“Wait,” said Michael.

“No waiting. You can find him later.”

Lenny hit a switch and Simon fell from a hatch that opened up beneath him. He flew to the ground, hurtling through the air, screaming at the top of his lungs. As he fell, he turned and rolled as his skin changed color, and his muscles began to bulge. He landed on the ground in a crouch and darted forward like a cat. One of the little hurling electric food choppers of blue flesh and daggers flew toward him flailing in all directions, intending the most damage. He caught the creature, and ignoring the blade scratches hurled him back at his buddies knocking them over like a load of bowling pins.

The air was thick with them now, and he began to punch them on their way in and hurl them back at each other as if they were a sack of old clothes.

The hatch closed near Michael’s feet.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be all right,” said Lenny.

Then there was a pulse. It rocked the little saucer they were in, which went off course.

Lenny and Harry bounced over to the controls. “Mike, help!” called one of them, Mike couldn’t figure out which one it was. He plopped into a chair and started to work any control he could find that he understood, which was more of them than he thought there would be. He impressed himself a little there.

He screwed up his courage and began to type furiously at his console.

Outside the ship, it was evident to anyone who could see them that they were out of control and headed for a crash. They pulled and dialed and pressed at their controls, but in the end, the pulse was too much for them. They fell from the sky like a frisbee on its last legs, and plowed into an airfield, tearing a huge gash in the concrete. They slid off into a nearby field where they gouged a deep cut into the earth that spanned the better part of a mile. It took a few moments for the dust to settle around them.

Airport firemen scrambled all over the destroyed runway, but they couldn’t see the cause of the damage. They followed the gash in the earth, but when they got to the ship they were unable to see it.

Inside the ship, Lenny and Harry looked around. Michael was on the floor some feet away, in a crumpled heap. Lenny bounced over to him and scanned him with a handheld device. “He’s fine. I’ll get him into the med slot.”

He picked up Michael and carried him, bouncing all the way to a small tube, and slid him in. Immediately the tube lit up, scanned his DNA and began to restore him to health. At the same time, Harry did the same for the ship, getting it to scan and repair itself.

“What do you think,” asked Lenny, “What, twenty minutes?”

“Ah, give him forty.”